Today, May 25, is my son, Ian's 12th birthday. And it is by God's mercy and grace that I am still here! Not a terrific faith statement for someone who should be walking in great overcoming victory and healing. But, like thousands upon thousands of other Americans, I have fallen prey to this dread incurable (in the natural) condition known as "fibromyalgia."

For those of you who have it, you know exactly what I am talking about, and we need to stick together on this thing. It is ugly and makes you feel horrible about yourself; it hurts like you have the flu, kidney stones and incapacitating back problems all at the same time, all the time, 24/7; and it disrupts your entire family and household because you cannot move on some days, and chores, cooking, and the most basic things of life just don't get done! And the worse part is: there is not much you can do about it....at least if you are over 50 and not given to sports or a good exercise program.

I have waited a few months to discuss this because I thought it would be better to write at a time when I have been sorely tested. Today is that day. I have not been able to purchase my medications for about five days because of a doctor being on vacation. Anyway, I've had no medications for the past five days, and it ain't fun. Next to childbirth, I would say that this is the most painful experience I've ever had to endure. It's not so much the degree of pain; it is that it lingers constantly like a kidney stone or a toothache - and it can make you mean and drive you nuts! But, hey, we're overcomers! It's just that sometimes we need a little help.

Let me preface my next paragraph by saying, above all else, we must put our faith in Jesus as our Healer - not in any kind of medicine or product. The minute you lose sight of God's healing grace, you will begin to put your faith in the medication alone - and that is not what we need to be doing. We have to keep our priorities in line. Then, we can continue to use the medications without guilt.

Now some of you may not believe in the use of pain medication. But, let me say this. Until you have walked in the shoes of a person who lives with chronic pain, you really cannot make judgments. If you can do it, then more power to you. But, when you have others who depend on you, day and night, or when you are the sole income provider, you have to do whatever it takes to function - even if it means subjecting yourself to medications. Some believe that the term "pharmakeia" in the Book of Revelation" is referring to all medications. Most studies that I have read indicate that the use of this word refers to drugs taken in conjunction with the occult to induce hallucinations and "visions" - which, of course, is demonic. This would include drugs like LSD or any other hallucinatory drugs.

Personally, I believe that it is all dependent upon one's motivation. Taking meds because you are sick is one thing, but taking them to get high or to escape from reality is another. This moves into the realm of idolatry. If the drug becomes your god, then you do have a problem. (You cannot serve two masters.) Fortunately for me so far, My God is still my god, and the medications simply help my body to serve. I am eagerly awaiting the day when my faith (which I must feed daily) will rise up and get in agreement with His Word, and manifest my total healing and deliverance. The daily discipline of feeding my faith is the area that needs the most improvement.

I keep telling myself this. "I am an overcomer!" "I have overcome because He overcame sickness, sin and poverty for me." And I will keep on telling myself this, even when nothing around me seems any different. I will keep on telling myself this because I am supposed to offer my body daily to His service, and I am to renew my mind to the Word of God (see Romans 12:1). It sounds a bit crazy when I do it, and it probably looks even more crazy. But through all of the pain, I know that I am getting stronger - even though I act like an absolute baby sometimes, mostly because I just weary of having eight years of this thing which has been progressively getting worse.

I've tried almost everything. Some things, however, are just too expensive - even though there have been wonderful reports of success using various products which regenerate cell communication. We're just not in a position to be able to maintain this kind of program at this time. There are also those who recommend exercise, but after I've tried that for a few days, I end up flat on my back for a week.

Nothing has tested my faith more than this - to have served the Lord for over a decade in ministry at home and abroad, and then to be struck down with a debilitating condition, especially when I am the principal caregiver for a special needs child who needs 24/7 assistance. I've gotten furious at God, waved my fist, cried, screamed and then repented for all of my ranting and raving.

I have spent years wondering if it is all caused by sin, and if so, what on earth have I ever done to deserve this? And then, I've rebuked that notion and blamed it on the devil. Then, I've turned around and just blamed it on circumstances. Again, you can just go nuts worrying about it. So, just don't! Rather, do this: "Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things (Phillipians 4:8)."

For those of you who have this condition, or who have just been diagnosed with it - first of all, don't blame the Lord. He didn't do it to you to teach you something. But He will, if you will let Him, get glory out of it.....eventually. You have to just keep on keeping on. Know this: "Count it all joy when ye fall into divers temptations; Knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience. But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing (James 1:2-4)." And when you can't take it anymore, remind the Lord of His promise: "No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it (1 Corinthians 10:13)."

Keep on expecting to be healed and delivered from it, and even if you aren't, don't let your heart become bitter. Get involved with helping others. Doing for others will not only bless you spiritually; it will make you feel better, literally. But at the same time, use wisdom. Your body has real issues, so don't just deny that they exist. Just deny that these issues have the right to be there! Jesus bore this sickness so that you wouldn't have to.

My family has had it very rough, as do all families of fibromyalgia patients. They just have a hard time understanding why we can't do anything like walk up the steps, or pick things up from the floor, etc. They don't always understand why we can be up and fine one day, and be on our backs the next. They get tired of having to do the dishes, or watching their brother, or running to the store for us. Not that they don't try - but, it gets really old after a while.

It helps to have family times for Bible study and prayer, as well as communication. Maintaining relationship within the family is vital to keeping the family wheel rolling without a hitch. It also helps to promote understanding. The same goes for the workplace. While everyone doesn't need to know of your condition, you should communicate it with some who can be a support for you.

All in all, I know that I will be healed some day. Perhaps next week, or next year, or next decade, or maybe not until I get to heaven. Either way, I will continue to love and serve Him. I may not be able to get out and physically do all of the things I used to, but I can still write!!! (Praise God forever!)

Tags: Pain of Fibromyalgia